Finding One's Identity: The Emotional Rollercoaster of Life

My heart was pounding as I dialed the number.

Would this woman have the answers I was looking for?

"Hello," the woman on the other end of the line answered.

“Hi, my name is Jesikah, may I speak with ________________.” (my heart was beating so hard, I knew she could hear it on the other end).

“This is she.”

"I’m not going to take up too much of your time. I was adopted as a baby and my father gave me your name. He states that you are my biological mother.”

“Excuse Me?!” ( I knew it was a lot. Hell, it was a lot for me too.)

“Who is your father?”

I provide her with my father’s name and what city he was from. She politely lets me know that she is NOT who I think she is. Yes, she KNEW my father, but had not seen or spoken to him since their days at Allen University back in the 70s. She explains that her brother was my father's classmate and she met him when she would come to visit her brother, but that is as far as it went. She was confused as to why my father would give me her name.

I thanked her for her time, and I also apologized for interrupting her evening. She wished me luck on my journey.

Back to the drawing board....

Why would he give me the name of a random person? Did he not think I would search for this person? Was this name given to me just to let it go?

“So...whaat did she say?” Monique was waiting and eager to find out what happened on the call. I wanted to tell her that I found “her” and that this nightmare was finally over. Reluctantly, I told her what happened. I also said I am done! Monique is so hopeful and persistent she is NOT willing to let me walk away from this. She informs me that she has a friend that lives in California that helps people find their families. At this point, I wanted to give up. I feel as if this whole thing is beginning to take an emotional toll on me, but I decide to give it one more try.

Meet Shelbi...

Shelbi M. Titus- Walker has always had a love of history. She was born and raised in Cerritos, California. The youngest daughter of LeRoy and Anna Titus, Shelbi attended Fisk University in Nashville, TN, and the State University of New York. She earned a Masters of Science degree from California State University Dominguez Hills and a Juris Doctorate from Trinity Law School. After law school, Shelbi spent 10 years at the United States Attorneys Office in the Environmental Crimes unit. Throughout her tenure with the federal government, she maintained her interest in genealogy and assisting adult adoptees with locating their biological families. She left her post with the government to stay home with her then 5 year old twins and her passion for genealogy grew into a full-fledge business. For the past 20 years Shelbi has solved over 1500 cases involving adult adoptees seeking their biological families. She founded GRAITH Foundation in 2017 and has been consistently mentoring novice genealogists, building countless family trees, and serving as a speaker on the subjects of genealogy, DNA analysis, diversity and inclusion, infertility, and the importance of knowing family history. Shelbi has been the chief researcher for TLC’s television show Long Lost Family, a sought after workshop presenter, advocate for emancipated foster youth, teacher of social graces and etiquette, and a comedy podcaster with her best friend Jayee Nadolski on their podcast "Beans and Rice." She is a child of God, the wife of one, the mother of three daughters, friend to many, and a firm believer that your story matters and it is time to know how it started! https://www.graithfoundation.org/whoweare

Yeah, I know, she is ALL THAT and THEN SOME!!!

Our very first call lasted almost 2 hours. Shelbi, didn’t rush me, she allowed me to express myself however I saw fit. She was warm and inviting. She made me feel heard and she made sure I knew my feelings were VALID! She was a breath of Fresh Air!

I begin to feel like I’m finally going to get some answers now that I have a professional assisting me.

Could it all be so simple.... Of Course NOT!!!

Weeks go by and I try to decide how to bring this topic up again with my father. Little did I know, the opportunity was approaching rather quickly.

One morning, like any other morning, the alarm wakes me up. While sitting on the "throne" I decide to check my Facebook. This morning I have notifications that I have been tagged.

The evening prior I had been talking with a classmate from High School about the youth. We were discussing how many of our young people had been going astray, but when caught there is always a parent or relative on the news telling the world how wonderful their child is. I am a mom of 3. I know that I have taught my children right from wrong. If they decide to go out and become a menace to society and end up getting arrested or killed while robbing or assaulting someone, I WILL NOT be on the news telling the world that they are such angels. Again, we are all entitled to our opinions. Well, obviously this rubbed my mother’s sister the wrong way.

HIT DOGS HOLLA!!

My “aunt” (I use this term loosely)decided to attack me on Facebook under my post regarding the matter mentioned above. She assumed I was speaking about her grandson. Mind you, I live is GA, my classmate lives in TX neither one of us knew about her grandson’s situation going on in SC. In her attack, she states that I am not a blood relative of hers, I am not her niece, and she wished her sister (my mother) never would have gotten me. Can you imagine waking up and seeing the most horrific parts of your life being aired out on Social Media without your consent? I hadn't wrapped my head around this topic yet, but now it's being placed on social media.

This one hurt!

What did she mean where “she” got me from? I called my mother. I explained to her what had happened, her response was, “Jesikah, what do you want me to do....go and fight her?” It was at THIS moment, I finally understood...I’M ON MY OWN! I vowed to never speak to my mother’s sister ever again. In my mind she was DEAD to me.

Time to have that conversation with my father.......SOON!

To Be Continued...